Somewhat damaged

I’ve been suffering from a bit of insomnia lately. Tonight just happens to be yet another one of those nights.
New Years Eve was a good time, or so I hear. I had a party and about 20-25 people showed up. I ended up
getting totally wasted and discovered liquid courage. For some stupid reason I felt the need to wrestle
with my friend Mario who has about 100lb muscle advantage over me. What triggered this, I’ll NEVER know.
But he proceeded to kick my ass, and laugh while he was doing it. I need not mention he’s also one of those
people you want on your side. Trust me on this one. So, in the process of getting my ass kicked, I took a
step back to brace myself against this mamoth friend of mine, and felt a very unpleasant pop in my ankle.
At first, I thought I broke my leg. But they explained to me that if I broke my leg, and I quote– my “panzy
ass would be on the ground crying like a little girl”. Some friends I have eh? They talked me out of going
to the hospital since their’d be a line out the door and they wouldn’t treat me until I sobered up anyhow.
I’m not quite sure when it happened, but I puked up a lung and got sloppy drunk after that. I’ve NEVER been
sloppy drunk. I’m always quite aware of my environment and can navigate it appropriately. Some how I ened up
falling across my friends hood, denting it. Luckily it popped back out. I heard that someone poured my 5th drink
with 151. I don’t do 151. I drink Redbull and Vodka– and I can drink that shit all night long. So, I’m
thinking that the 151 upset the mix and that’s all she wrote. I guess I yaked so hard that I broke a bunch
of blood vessels around my eyes. The capilaries in my eyes are busted as well, so I look like a vampire– with
the whites of my eyes being all red. I’ll never let anyone pour my drink again. Ok, I’ll let my friend Jason, but
he’s the only one I trust.

I’ve been quite lonely lately. Spending the past 6 days at home since I can’t drive with my ankle like this.
My good friend Shane came over and cleaned me house for me after the party. He took me to Burger King to pick
up some fast food, since I already ate everything in the house. Nicole won’t stop over, she won’t see me, she
won’t call me. She’s done I guess. After all that time of her bitching about how my walls were to thick, and
how I’d never love her, and how she was just my make-shift girlfriend. I fucking did everything for that girl.
I’d like her to name one of her boyfriends that’d pick her up something to eat, stop and get her a puzzle and
drive 25mins to her house to drop it all of at 11:30pm…. All I did was try to be a good guy and make her
happy. She says nothing she does will ever make me happy. I’m too picky. Nothing makes me happy– yadda
yadda spew spew. Look in the mirror. Nothing will ever make you happy Nicole. Am I too good to be true
that you’re waiting for something to happen that you self-sabatoaged your only happy relationship? Or is it
that you just want to be this free spirit, do whateverthefuck I want??? I’ll never understand women. Never.

This leads me to my next rant. This girl Andrea. She’s queen of winning a guys heart. Lemme tell you.
Hang’n out with her at this shitty dive bar that plays shitty dive bar music— she’d often point out
all the hot guys to me– as if I care. First of all, I thought you liked me… How would it feel if I
were to point out all the hot chicks? ( not that theres any up there ). Ya know.. If she liked me so much
why the fuck couldn’t she come over and help me around the house? She stopped by at 5pm to say “hi” to me on
NYE. I had a fucking party, why weren’t you there? Cuz something else was more fun? I was hoping to see her
tonight, but yet again, she’d rather be out with someone else. Who’s she trying to bullshit? She doesn’t like
me. She can’t even be my friend, how the fuck can she have a relationship. Not to mention she’s already got
a U-Haul full of baggage. I’m done compromising for women. I’m done ditching my friends cuz I never see
my girlfriend. I’m done changing my plans to spend time with women. ( unless it’s Gwen Stefani– I’d eat
that girl like a bowl of ice cream ). It’s the new year, and I have new plans. Either you deal or it’s your
loss. *cocky look*

Yes, I’m bitter. Yes, I’m angry. I’m also pissed off that I’m always going solo to family events. Nicole
fucked up Xmas this year, and new years.. We were supposed to spend those days together. For the past 3-4yrs
I’ve done holidays and special family events alone. I’ve gone to parties— Alone. WTF is the good of having
a significant other if you can’t fucking spent time together and go out together– and do things TOGETHER?
Dating is such a fucking waste of time. I’m sick of my love life ( or lack of ) being brought up with the parental
units– I’m sick of chicks “dawg’n me” cuz they think their too good. It’s call respect ladies. Get some.
You think guys are pigs? Fuck off. Chicks are so shallow, they can’t even see out of the bullshit-hole they dug
themselves into. Yes, I’m upset.

Maybe it’s not insomnia. Maybe I fear going to bed cuz all I think about is bad shit. The other night, I tossed
and turned for 3hrs before falling asleep. I never thought I asked for much in life. Just to have fun and be
a good person. To have friends, and to share my time with someone. It’s very difficult for me to say “No” to
anyone. I’m usually there to help out when I can. Is there some bad karma I’m still paying for? Apparently so.

Anyhow, I’m think I’m done ranting. I’m gonna try to go to sleep again. Oh yea, here’s some pics of %Y2K3|NYE%

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply